Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
fuck your aforementioned shoe
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
