I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I looked at my own cervix.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
