look no pants
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Boobs are out for the taking
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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