There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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