thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
its not stalking. its research.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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