you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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