soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
