I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
