Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
