the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I need to calm my uterus...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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