Screwed.edu
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize