im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
