btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
