It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
