We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
