yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
