Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize