she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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