why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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