it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dicks are not precious.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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