Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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