ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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