I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
