I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
