Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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