I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
