Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
