Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
