I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
