please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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