WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
