Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How external is "for external use only"?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
