Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
