dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
