she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
