i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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