my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
