she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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