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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  wtf, did you fuck a retard?!

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• (813): View more from Florida

  y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO

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• (573): View more from Missouri

  I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.

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• (408): View more from California

  i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka

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• (734): View more from Michigan

  I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one

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• (516): View more from New York

  yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person

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