If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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