Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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