So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
