i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
