Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
