She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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