i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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