6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
