I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
