Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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