Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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