god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
