I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
