Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
