U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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