where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
As shirtless as possible
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
