Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
