I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
