yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
