meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
