i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
