drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
