My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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