Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
