my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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