At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
