You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
